Well, I tried to hold my thoughts on this post, but I guess I can’t anymore. Let me start by saying this post makes me sick. I hate when society or should I say individuals paint delusional ideologies of love and loyalty for women; I mean this looks like struggle love to me. Fine, she was there for him during the good times and “bad times.” That was her choice. Isn’t it? What exactly is the moral of this post? Be there for him in the good and bad times, even when you are unhappy and losing your mind? This kind of narrative has destroyed the lives of many ladies.
Even more, the second sentence from this post is disheartening. “She was with the ‘wild Gucci,’ the ‘cheating Gucci,’ in ‘jail Gucci.” Really? Why try to create the ideology that real love and happiness sterns from going through pain. I get the whole ride and die thing, but is it worth it? This post does not make any sense to me. What kind of message is Snoop Dogg trying to pass?
I must say, I was so happy to see Toke Makinwa, a Nigerian radio personality, television host, vlogger, lifestyle entrepreneur and author, share her sincere thought on this topic via Instagram. She said, “I am deeply tired of this narrative though, this post pissed me off too much, why do we like to make women look like huge jokes? Why is this the way to happiness? Why must you sell the “I suffer pass” mentality? This promotes low self-esteem. I know for the most of my life I believed that for love to be real, it has to hurt, I believed there has to be pain and real humiliation before you find peace and that mentality is BS. That mentality made me stay in crazy situations and do the most for the wrong reasons. Let’s stop pls. This is trash. Pls show me examples of men who stayed with a cheating woman, drug addict, jailbird, publicity with other men etc. show me a man who knew what he signed up for and even after she slept with his brothers and friends held her down till she became refined. If we can’t pick ten men pls stop raising your daughters to hold down situations that might eventually break them, stop selling the narrative that women have to suffer before they find love. This is ruining lives for real, and it should stop.”
Let’s be sincere; she said it all. She made a good point. This mentality has made a lot of women lose their lives to this struggle love thing. I mean, some are struggling and have struggled through unhappy relationships. So many ladies are making excuses for men who aren’t worth it, some believe it’s a rough patch, and things are going to get better. What if they never get better? Why stay with a partner who is making you unhappy in the hopes that one day they’ll finally grow into the person you need them to be? What if they don’t? I am not saying some people don’t change. What if there are no signs of change? What if things get worse? Not everyone’s story will end like that of Gucci Mane and Keyshia Ka’oir, and I don’t think people get it.
On the other hand, the narrative is also very different when its the other way round. Just like Toke said, how many men will stay with a woman who has all these flaws. Trust me; it will be hard to find one. I am not saying there isn’t any, but they are hardly heard of. Like I said in last week’s blog post, it all comes down to some very delusional stereotypical ideology and roles associated with womanhood, and some can be demeaning.
Please, ladies, not all struggle love is worth it, most notably for the sake of your sanity and self-esteem. You don’t have to suffer before you find and experience love. Anyways, I am curious to know your views on this topic; don’t forget to leave your thoughts and opinions. Have a great weekend!