I have been into a lot of birth videos of late and I can’t seem to explain why, but then the last one I saw this morning got me big time.
The lady was lying in the hospital, shaking with fear, there were no familiar faces aside her husband, the doctor and midwives. Her contractions kept coming, I could tell that she was in so much pain. according to the video she had been in labor for over 12 hours now.
As time went on, the baby came closer and it was time to bring a soul to the world. she pushed with so much pain, with all her might she screamed with so much power and strength that I could see her veins. At this point I could feel goose pimples on my body.
It didn’t take too long, and the reason for her pain was here. I could feel myself rejoice for her. This only made me imagine what if it were me on that bed screaming with so much pain and pushing with all my strength. I believe every mother deserves a standing ovation.
Growing up, my mum and dad never seized to explain and let me know how much of a pain I was at child birth. I would like to believe that it one of my mum’s favorite stories to share. Each time she tells the story, she does it with so much passion and today this made me question if it was worse than what I saw today in the video.
Well, welcome to my subconscious, which regularly reminds me of the terror of childbirth. This started in my teens after seeing my teacher get into labor during an English class. Since then, the simple word ‘labor’ gets to me. It makes my heart race and my hands shake, it gives me the heebie-jeebies.
The truth is I love to see pregnant women, in fact I admire their baby bum, especially those cute ones, Woo!! I would love to have children of my own the natural way, but sometimes I tend to imagine the crazy sides of pregnancy instead of the beauty of it. I don’t know for certain if a have a phobia for it, or do you think I do?
Should I say I am affected by what I see or hear maybe on shows or videos on YouTube, or based on people’s experiences. This seems complex to me.
Sometimes I imagine what if I don’t make it to the hospital on time before the baby arrives. Ack!!! What if I poop while pushing, Nah!
Yaaa!! The big, fat epidural needle scares me, I don’t want an episiotomy. It is a procedure where the tissues between the vagina and the anus is cut to allow more room for the baby. I don’t also want my vagina to tear, my mum suffered this while trying to give birth to me.
In addition, we all know that child birth isn’t pain-free and that scares me. Also, I am even more terrified by C-session.
Will my fears change with time? Will it affect me if it doesn’t? Do I need a therapist or psychologist? Is this even a psychological problem?
Well like a friend of mine told me few days back, “try not to focus all of your energy on the thought about the delivery when the time comes.” She further said that if I can compartmentalize it, I will be able to deal with each section instead of looking at birth as an enormous monster.
Nevertheless, I believe that when I get to that bridge I will cross it. What do you think?