Guest post by Mary Ogunniyi*****
Good day Mandy Agbajama blog readers. When Mandy asked me to feature on her blog this week, I was glad to as I enjoy reading her weekly posts. This week I have the pleasure of speaking about singleness; a topic I have over 20 years of experience. But all jokes aside singleness can be a great time in one’s life as well as crucial in one’s development of self while they wait for that special someone. During this period of time, it is crucial to identify the areas in one’s self and life that have room for improvement. You have more time to focus on your faith, differentiating wants and need, as well as pinpointing what is truly important to you.
One thing we take for granted is “me time”. Once you are in a relationship you may find you have a lot less time to yourself. As an individual who loves her space this was definitely something I had to get used to. When you only have to worry about yourself things are consistent in one’s life generally. Once someone else is added to the equation the outcome on the daily can and most likely will change. Some may find they can even loose themselves or change once in a relationship. This is all determined by knowing what is important as well differentiating ones wants and need.
A key learning area during this time in your life is growing in one’s faith. Although a loving relationship is a blessing, for some it can cause distractions from the important things. Faith for many including myself is the fundamental structure of our lives. We wake up every day believing that we are here because we have a purpose on earth and ask God to guide us and protect us on our path. When we attach ourselves to someone, this can go one of two ways. The individual is also of equal faith and beliefs and aids in you achieving your purpose or they can cause your mind to wander away from the strength you gather from your faith, filling your mind with negativity that can deter your development. The lesson here is while you are unaccompanied, the faith you build can and will aid you when your season of singleness ends.
Another thing you will learn while you wait is differentiating your needs and wants. Wanting is having a strong desire or feeling you must have something. Wants are easily assumed to be needs by many. For example, we need clothes on our backs to protect us from the elements but we don’t need a $500 Gucci shirt. Some will feel with all the fiber in their being that that last statement is false. When it comes to singleness this is a very important lesson that some never learn. For example, for some the predetermined idea of their perfect partner is what they strive for, pushing to the side true potential. For some ladies, he has to be of particular physique, wealth, and so on. His educational background and professional level attained has become part of the standard for many. On the other hand, some men look for a woman with the perfect figure; the hourglass. Keep in mind some of the women you use as examples paid for that shape and it costs money to maintain. Better make sure your pockets can handle what you wish for. But let me tell you, you may be waiting for a very long time or maybe never finding that “perfect” someone. Not saying you will not get all you desire but you must keep in mind what you actually need. When you think of the future wouldn’t you want a partner that cares, supports, and motivates you? These good qualities should not be undermined by your vision of success. Not all that glitters is gold.
While you may believe that getting and keeping a partner is the most important thing in the world you will soon realize that, that is not the case. That brings me to my next point. This period of singleness will allow you to truly think about and realize what is important to you as an individual. As you go about your day you will acknowckledge what you will accept and not accept from people around you and especially the person you would be spending almost all your free time with. At this point in this journey I believe will truly reap good fruit. This will allow you to pick up on red flags right from the beginning. You need to know you cannot change anyone; they can only change for themselves.
In conclusion readers, keep your head high if you are currently in this season in your life. Singleness is not a curse although some may make you think otherwise. I’ll leave you think about some things. Why do you think people feel the need to rush through this season? Is it really pressure from others? Does social media play a role in this this e.g. couple goals? Are the older generations rushing us based on the way it was done in their time? Do some stay in the season willingly because they do not want to get hurt? Why is someone’s relationship status anyone’s business?
God has a unique and extraordinary path for you and you alone. Just enjoy the process.