let’s talk about Dating

Guest post by Olayinka Aloko *****

Dating in 2019 is starting to feel like a chore. That sounds a bit extreme, but when you look at the prospects in the dating pool, one can only wonder when the search for the one will end. As we approach Cuffing Season, we expect to see most of our friends forming new relationships, so the pressure is on! Cuffing season, as defined by the Urban dictionary, is the time during the fall and winter months when people who would usually rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be cuffed or tied down by a serious relationship.

However, Let’s focus on dating for a meaningful bond.

When a man likes a lady, it’s based on two things; interest and or attraction. As we all know most men claim to be visual creatures. He wants to talk to her and get to know her, the interest keeps the engine running; frequent phone calls, going out on dates, facetime or video calls, interaction via other social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. This early stage is crucial as information is being passed along, both parties get to know each other likes and dislikes, long-term and short-term goals, and most importantly establish an expectation of this new friendship. Next is longing to be around each other, craving the other party’s attention for example; when you hear the latest news on the block, and you can’t wait to inform ‘bae’ on the subject to hear his or her input.

Interest can either develop into something pure and genuine or sadly head downhills. I have been on both sides of the table so I can relate. As interest develops and it’s evident that both parties yearn for commitment, its time for the guy to man up and ask the question every girl is waiting for. Will you be my girlfriend? Quick confession: I’ve seen almost every romantic movie ever made, so, I will appreciate some creativity or effort on the guy’s part, making it a memorable experience (hint; flowers). But you know what the lady likes so, go with the flow as not everyone wants flowers or romantic gestures. Anyways we expect the fruits of the relationship to lead to marriage or happily ever after like most Disney movies but let’s be real; relationships require work, effective communication and many more.

If things head downhill during the getting to know each other phase, it leads to being friends with benefits, ‘situationships.’ In other cases, both parties stop communicating after a fallout or ghosting occurs. Ever been ghosted? It’s not the worst that could happen, to be honest, I refer to it as having dodged a bullet. Do you think ghosting is a cowardly move? Other scenarios that could occur would be being with the person for a particular benefit, e.g. good sex, social status, money, intelligence, homecooked meals etc.

I asked a male friend. What makes a guy make it official? According to him, he notices his interest has peaked; he is impressed with what he has observed in the lady who makes him want her for himself only. He enjoys the bond and wants to be with this person forever without the thought of wondering if it could be found in someone else.
Have you ever heard of kiss many frogs to find prince charming lol, that’s my encouragement to those in the dating game. It’s a time for you to learn more about yourself, likes or dislikes, areas to improve, learn about what you want in a man or woman. Be open-minded and expect an adventure with lots of stories to tell. Dating is an adventure. Hope you enjoyed reading this. Have a great day!

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